


Here's What Four Contestants Didn't Choose

by Biscuit Lion (cookiethelion)



Category: British Comedy RPF, Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Taskmaster (TV) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pokemon Fusion, Gen, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-01 07:26:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5197400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cookiethelion/pseuds/Biscuit%20Lion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Inside each Pokéball is an Ice type Pokémon. Choose one, and build an ice sculpture for Taskmaster. You have two hours. Your time starts when you release your chosen Pokémon, and you must only return your Pokémon to its Pokéball to signal you have finished.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here's What Four Contestants Didn't Choose

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is written in a mixture of prose and stage play/script format, because it turns out Taskmaster is a right pain in the backside in terms of formatting. All studio scenes are under script format (because it just didn't work in prose), and all challenges are written in prose (because it doesn't work as well in script format imo).
> 
> General note: / indicates an interruption

_The Taskmaster studio. TIM, ROMESH, ROISIN, JOSH, and FRANK are sat together. GREG and ALEX are sat opposite them. On the screen, the introduction to the challenge is playing._

_Each contestant is stood in the garden of the Taskmaster house, in January. They are all wearing protective gloves and overalls. In front of them is a table with Pokéballs, a Pokédex, chisel, and hammer. A folded stepladder lies on the ground._

ROISIN: | Inside each Pokéball is an Ice type Pokémon.  
---|---  
TIM: | Choose one, and build an ice sculpture for Taskmaster. You have two hours.  
ROMESH: | Your time starts when you release your chosen Pokémon/  
JOSH:  | /and you must only return your Pokémon to its Pokéball to signal you have finished.  
FRANK: | We have two hours? It seems very generous. I think the longest we’ve had until now has been an hour?  
ROISIN: |  _While walking around the table._ My time doesn’t start until I release a Pokémon … hmm…  
_The VT ends. The audience applauds._  
GREG: | That’s the task. I’d say it’s fairly straightforward.  
ALEX: | Yes, it’s simply using the Pokémon provided to build an ice sculpture.  
ROMESH: | Hold on. How come Roisin got to choose from five Pokéballs?  
ROISIN: | That’s how many there were when I turned up. I thought everyone got five?  
TIM: |  _Shakes head._ Only got three.   
JOSH: | Well, I had two to choose from. Were our choices affected by which order we filmed in?  
ALEX: | It would have been boring if everyone used the same Pokémon. We only had five, so it was very much first come first served.  
_ROMESH opens his mouth as he realises he was the last contestant to film the challenge. GREG looks at him, and starts to giggle._  
GREG: | Well, I think I’ve a better idea about who didn’t get a choice.  
ROMESH: | Frank, did you have four Pokéballs to pick from?  
FRANK: | I did.  
ROMESH: | That’s just unbelievable. First, I don’t get a cardboard box, and now I’ve been forced to work with a Pokémon that four other people didn’t want.  
JOSH: | To be honest with you, I wish I’d picked the one you got.  
ROMESH: | No way. You wouldn’t have wanted it, mate. I fucking didn’t.  
GREG: | I think we should start with Josh. Then we can decide if Romesh would have enjoyed using whatever he got.  
  
***

“Oh my word,” said Josh, when he had finished reading to the bottom. He looked up at the camera. “I’m not used to Ice types, but my main concern is that you haven’t given us any ice to work with.”

He turned back to the table, where the two Pokéballs were placed. After several seconds of consideration, Josh grabbed the Pokéball on his left, and hoovered his thumb over the button before he pushed down. He watched the red light form an outline, but started when what he was certain was a Vanilluxe appeared.

“Is that … no way, that can’t be…” he said as he reached for the Pokédex. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Alex start the clock.

Josh pulled the Pokédex open, and held it up to the drifting Pokémon that was moving around the set, and looking up close at all the lights and recording equipment that had been set up. Wherever it went, Josh turned round while holding the Pokédex in front of him; and when the information had loaded, he stopped and started to scroll down the screen.

“It _is_ a Vanilluxe,” he said. “It’s male, and knows Hail, Ice Beam, Avalanche, and Icy Wind. Unbelievable. I … I’m not going to lie to you, I didn’t realise that Vanilluxes were a real Pokémon.”

“You chose it, Josh,” said Alex.

“I know, but…” Josh sighed. “Fucking hell, I’ve got to work with sentimental ice cream. That’s just weird. Erm, is it contest trained?” He watched Alex nod, and then turned around. “Vanilluxe?”

At the mention, the Pokémon shot over to his side, and all of its eyes looked up at him. He opened his mouth to speak, but choked and gasped from inhaling in the icy smoke billowing upwards from its wafer-like pipe; and as it took him a while to recover from his coughing fit, he really wished he had his Fairy types with him again.

“Oh, I think I get this.” Josh glanced at the garden, and then pointed at a patch of grass in front of him. “Vanilluxe, use Ice Beam but aim it upwards. Up. Do you…?” He started to raise his arm up, and for a moment, it looked as if it was a hopeless case; then a blue orb formed in between Vanilluxe’s heads, and a beam shot at the spot Josh pointed at. A thick layer of ice covered the ground, and then the move went upwards, forming a jagged column that was just higher than Josh.

Josh halted the move, and walked over to inspect the ice. Even through the gloves, he could feel the bumps and ridges, and then glanced to see the clock. It had been going for fifteen minutes already, and he had to decide on something soon. He crossed his arms.

“I’ve got to do something with this,” he said, aware that the cameraman had moved closer to film him. He looked up at the fence, and at the trees growing in next door’s garden. He stared for a moment, and then stood on tiptoes to point at the tip of the column. “Vanilluxe, use Ice Beam from here to here.” He moved his hand to point to his right, and then retreated.

He grinned as he watched a beam of ice grow exactly where he wanted, and as he dashed around the sculpture and pointed from tip to tip, the next time he paid any attention to the clock was when an hour had passed. He stepped back, and patted the top of Vanilluxe’s right head as he examined how his tree was coming along, although he stopped quickly when it felt like he was touching smooth, softened meringue.

“I’m going to need the stepladder,” said Josh, and he went to pick up the equipment. He opened it and climbed up to the top, where he could just about touch the tip of one of the branches. “Vanilluxe? Can you use, like, a tiny Ice Beam to make a leaf?”

He ducked to miss the Ice Beam; and although it was shorter than the others, when he stood upright again, he sighed as his leaf looked more like a partially melted ice cube. He got down the ladder, and picked up the chisel and hammer; and through some trial and error, found a way to knock the cube off the tree. From there, he sharpened the ends of all the branches as best as he could, though he stopped whenever he saw long cracks appear; and several times, he sighed as the ends fell off and land on the grass.

With about fifteen minutes left to spare, he stepped back, and then moved the ladder again to neaten some of the branches. Once he finished, he walked round the tree once more and tidied up some of the roots before packing away the ladder and chisel, and returned to Vanilluxe’s side.

“Vanilluxe, use Icy Wind, but aim it at the branches,” he said, pointing upwards. He watched its mouths open together, and a huge frosty cloud blew through the air, and settled like soft snow on any of the ice it touched.

Smiling, Josh patted the back of Vanilluxe’s left head before reaching for the Pokéball, and pushed down on the button. He saw Alex stop the iPad at 1:52:06; and he turned round to face the camera.

“I’m really going to struggle to eat ice cream again after this,” he said.

***

_The audience and contestants applaud. VT of JOSH’s completed ice sculpture plays on the screen._ ALEX: |  _Gestures at the screen._ As you can see, we filmed around the finished sculptures to take a better look. Josh went for a frost covered tree.  
---|---  
GREG: | I’m impressed with your attempt, Josh.  
JOSH: | Thank you.  
GREG: | But are you really struggling to eat ice cream?  
JOSH: | I don’t know. It’s March. Who’s eating cold ice-cream in cold weather?  
ROMESH: | To be honest, I _would_ have preferred Vanilluxe. I know it looks like you weren’t enjoying yourself to start with, but seriously, you dodged a bullet.  
JOSH: | I really want to know what was in your Pokéball now.  
_ALEX looks at GREG._  
ALEX: | We could show Romesh next, if you want?  
GREG: | I’ve decided, I think we should leave his last so we can see what Romesh could have had.  
ROMESH: | Are you kidding me? Sure, let’s rub it in my face, and show me all the proper Pokémon everyone else used.  
ROISIN: | You’re getting really worked up about this.  
JOSH: | Yeah, what did you get that was so bad?  
_ROMESH sighs, leans back in his chair, and folds his arms._  
ROMESH: | I’m not going to spoil my VT, but I’d have been happier to work with ice-cream than … than what I got.  
GREG: | Right, let’s go to whoever had three Pokéballs next, which I think was Tim Key?  
Tim nods.  
ALEX: | Yes, he did. OK, here is Tim’s attempt.  
  
***

Tim looked up from the letter, and picked the Pokéball sitting in the middle. He paused, and then pressed the button. He started to giggle as he craned his neck to look up at the Aurorus that appeared.

“Oh my god,” he said. “Hello.” He groped behind him for the table, and found the Pokédex with his fingertips. He slid the device across, picked it up, and started scanning Aurorus without breaking eye contact with the Pokémon. The first time he looked down was when he glimpsed the information on the Pokédex.

“What have you got?” he heard Alex say.

“It’s a female Aurorus,” said Tim. “And she knows Ice beam, Ancient Power, Aurora Beam, and Rock Throw.”

Aurorus lowered her head, and Tim reached to pat the back of her neck as he slid the Pokédex back onto the table. He looked over his shoulder.

“Am I allowed to get on her back?” he said.

“Yeah, if you think it’ll help your … your task,” said Alex, frowning.

Tim ran round, picked up the stepladder, and opened it next to Aurorus. He’d never been in charge of a Fossil Pokémon before; and as he climbed to the top of the ladder, he grabbed one of its spikes for support. He might as well have stuck his bare hand in deep snow; he yelped and let go, and winced as he flexed his fingers to try and get blood flowing through his hand again.

“Tim?” said Alex. “Are you OK?”

“Yeah,” said Tim, and he climbed down the stepladder. “I just didn’t realise the spikes on its body were freezing.”

He put away the ladder first before returning to Aurorus, and reached to stroke her head once more. When he looked at the clock, 25 minutes had passed; and he turned back to the garden, and pointed ahead.

“OK, Aurorus,” he said. The Pokémon raised her head again. “Use Rock Throw.”

Aurorus roared, and a rock fell onto the grass. Tim went to check the rock, mainly to see whether there were any cracks; and when he was sure it had been undamaged by the fall, he returned to the Pokémon’s side.

“Keep using Rock Throw until I say stop,” he said.

He stayed silent as Aurorus kept summoning rocks that piled on top of each other. What started as a small but tight base gradually expanded as the weight of other rocks on top started to spread and move it apart. Chipped pieces of stone flung in all directions, which forced someone – all Tim was certain was that it wasn’t Alex – to release a Hitmontop to protect them with Wide Guard.

“Stop, that’s enough,” said Tim, when he thought the pile of rocks now resembled a small mountain instead. He waited until Hitmontop was called back to its Pokéball, and then pointed at the rocks. “Aurorus, use Ice Beam to cover all the rocks.”

Aurorus froze the front of the pile first before she marched round the back, and finished off the job. Tim followed her, and glanced at the clock, which was coming up to 40 minutes. He looked up at Aurorus, and spent the rest of his time just stroking and nuzzling its head until Alex blew the whistle.

“Aurorus, return,” said Tim, and he pushed the Pokéball. “I’ve always wanted to use a Fossil Pokémon.”

***

_The audience applauds. ROMESH, ROISIN, FRANK, and JOSH are all sat upright and protesting over each other about TIM’s VT. Only TIM is leaning back in his seat._ ROMESH: | No. No. You can’t/  
---|---  
FRANK: | /that’s not an ice sculpture/  
JOSH: | /how is that/  
ROISIN: | /the task said ice sculpture/  
TIM: | /it’s not against the rules. The task never said we weren’t allowed to use rocks in our sculptures.  
GREG: | Unfortunately for you, I disagree. Alex, do you have a definition of what an ice sculpture is?  
ALEX: | Yes, it’s defined on Wikipedia as ‘a form of sculpture that uses ice as the raw material’.  
TIM: | I used ice in mine.  
GREG: | No, you kept using Rock Throw to make a mountain, and then covered it with Ice Beam. I’d say your raw material was rocks.  
TIM: | If you took the rocks away, it’ll hold up.  
ALEX: | Actually, no, it wouldn’t. We would have to chisel through the back of your mountain to get rid of all the rocks, and the cracks would make it collapse in.  
GREG: | Well, I know who’s going in last place.  
TIM: | It’s an ice sculpture, mate.  
JOSH: | I still can’t believe _you_ had a Fossil Pokémon.  
ROISIN: | Yeah, exactly.  
ROMESH: | You had a good Pokémon for the challenge, and you fucking wasted it.  
TIM: | How? It’s dual Rock and Ice. I didn’t have many ice moves like Josh did.  
GREG: |  _While looking at ALEX._ How many pure Ice types were there?  
ALEX: | Three. Tim wasn’t the only contestant who had a dual type.  
TIM: | Well, what was the other one then?  
GREG: | We’ll find out. Alex, who had four Pokéballs to choose from?  
ALEX: | Frank did.  
  
***

Frank turned to the table, and glanced at each of the four Pokéballs before he selected the one on the furthest right. He cupped it for a moment, and then pressed the button. The moment he saw Cloyster appear, he laughed, and picked up the Pokédex.

“I’ve never worked with a Cloyster before,” he said, looking over his shoulder at the camera while he scanned the Pokémon. He turned back to the Pokédex when he heard it beep, and read out its statistics. “I’ve got a female Cloyster that knows Hydro Pump, Ice Beam, Icicle Crash, and Brine.”

Frank put the Pokédex down, and then turned to the camera.

“I take it I need Ice Beam to make the ice,” he said. “But I feel like I could use Hydro Pump and Brine somehow as well.” He then looked at Alex. “Have you got the paddling pool?”

“Yes, I think we do,” said Alex.

“Brilliant, can you get it out and inflate it?”

“Sure. Where do you want us to put it?”

“Hang on.” Frank pointed at a spot not too far ahead of him. “Cloyster, use Ice Beam. Try and make a sort of square if you can.”

He swore he saw Cloyster nod just as its horn glowed, and a ball covered the tip. Then, beams shot at where he’d pointed, and a block of ice soon formed. Satisfied, Frank turned back to Alex.

“I’m thinking of moving that ice block into the pool when it’s ready,” he said. “Can you set it up nearby?”

“Sure, we’ll get someone onto it,” said Alex.

Frank glanced at the block, and started to direct Cloyster. He didn’t pay much attention to the crew pumping up the pool; all he saw was the second block of ice, forming on top of the base. He picked up the chisel and hammer, and tried to shape the block into the body of a swan; but it took him ten minutes to work out how to use the tools efficiently, and a further five to realise that he had to change his plan.

“Ah,” he said. Then, aware that the camera was currently looking over his shoulder, he added, “I wanted to do a swan, but … erm, I think I’m going to run out of time. There has to be an easier way than chiselling the sculpture by hand.”

He turned to see how the pool was coming along, and could it was already half-inflated. He turned back to the ice, and then chiselled it further until the top had flattened into a small dome.

“How long have I got?” he said. By that point, all the pool needed was water; and when he saw Alex lurking behind one of the cameras, he had used just over 30 minutes. He put the chisel down by his feet, and traced a small circle with his index finger at the back of the dome.

“Cloyster,” said Frank. “Can you use Ice Beam, but make a small circle? Like I am?” He continued circling the ice, but then jumped back to avoid the Ice Beam taking out his finger. “Perfect. Use Ice Beam again, but make a sort of long foot like this. Try and round off the end, if you can.”

Alex had to help him spin the base around while Frank pointed, and Cloyster would help create the rest. They repeated the process for the other three legs, and then straight up to form the neck and head. The neck was fine, but for a moment, Frank thought Cloyster might struggle with the head; and after some thought, he managed to make a ball slowly appear and take shape, until the whole sculpture looked plausibly like a Shuckle.

“How long have I got?” said Frank, as he directed Cloyster again to make three circles round the back. He knew the iPad was lying on the ground next to Alex’s feet, but he could only see a reflection of the greyish-white clouds.

“You’ve got an hour left,” said Alex. “Do you still need me, Frank?”

“No, later,” said Frank. “Thanks Alex.”

As Alex walked away, Frank picked up the chisel. He had to mind his strength as he scraped the surface of the ice off the head to form one eye; and although he was faster on the second eye, he saw ten minutes pass on the iPad. For a moment, he considered forming the small dots on Shuckle’s body, but then decided against it, and hammered into the back three circles.

He didn’t really need to tidy up the feet; and he allowed himself a few minutes to stand back and check his handiwork.

“Cloyster, gently use Brine to fill it up,” he said while pointing at the paddling pool. Cloyster opened her mouth, and a jet of water shot across the garden and landed into the pool, although smaller puddles also formed around it, and water droplets ran all the way down and around the body when Cloyster had finished.

“Alex, can you help me move the sculpture into the pool?” said Frank. He had been expecting his sculpture to be heavy, given the amount of ice stacked on top; but they lifted it up with no problems, and slid it into the pool.

Frank leaned over and pushed the base further into the center, where it drifted. He stood up to regain his breath for a few minutes, before walking back to the table where he picked up the Pokéball.

“Cloyster, return,” he said. He pressed the button; and as Cloyster disappeared, he glanced at the iPad. Alex had stopped the clock at 1:48:39.

***

_The audience and contestants applauds._ GREG: | So, was that a Shuckle stranded on ice?  
---|---  
FRANK: | Yes.  
GREG: | Well, I really like it, Frank. You went to the extra effort of getting the paddling pool out and using Cloyster’s water moves.  
ALEX: | If I just turn your attention to the screen, you can see that when we filmed round the sculpture, the ice hadn’t really melted.  
FRANK: | Oh, that’s a relief. I did wonder if the weather was cold enough to stop the ice melting in the pool.  
GREG: | You see, Tim, that’s how you use a dual type Pokémon.  
TIM: | Yes, but Water and Ice are easier to combine. What else could I have done with Ancient Power and Rock Throw?  
GREG: | Well, you could have spent less time cuddling Aurorus.  
ALEX: | That’s true. Tim spent 14 minutes and 17 seconds on his mountain. Frank used one hour and 42 minutes on his Shuckle.  
GREG: | I take it Roisin had five Pokéballs?  
ALEX: | Yes, she did.  
  
***

Roisin circled round the table, observing each Pokéball as closely as she could, before settling on the second one from the left. Even as she picked it up, she was eyeing the other choices, and then reached for the one sitting in the middle.

“What’re you thinking?” said Alex.

“Well, there’s no ice,” she said, while weighing up both Pokéballs in her hands. She couldn’t feel any difference in their weights. “So it all has to come from the Pokémon, right? I think … I’ll stick with my first choice.”

Roisin put down the second Pokéball, and released her chosen Pokémon. She glared at the floating, round-bodied, horned thing that appeared before her; and she looked at the camera as she went to get the Pokédex.

“I … I have no idea what that is,” she said. “Genuinely, I don’t know what I’ve chosen. How do you open – oh, got it.”

She slid the Pokédex upwards, and then raised it in front of the Pokémon. Seconds later, its data appeared, but she frowned at the name.

“It says I have a Gla … is that … is it pronounced Glalie?” Roisin looked up, and saw Alex nodding. The clock had started on the iPad. “I know what Blizzard, Ice Beam, Headbutt, and Ice Fang do, but … I genuinely don’t know what Glalie evolves to or from, and … I’ve got to work with it. Um…”

Roisin looked around the garden, and pressed the Pokédex to her lips. How was she meant to make the ice?

“Erm, Glalie, use Ice Beam?” she said.

Glalie’s jaw dropped open. A beam of ice shot out and covered the tips of the grass, before the ice started to pile upwards to form a large cube with rounded edges.

“OK, well, I’ve found out how to make the ice,” said Roisin. She glanced at the chisel, but then turned to Glalie instead. “Use Ice Fang on the cube, but don’t bite into it. Just scrape a bit off the surface.”

Glalie stayed still for a moment longer, during which its eyes rolled round, as if questioning her command. Roisin frowned, but then started when Glalie’s fangs glowed and grew, and it shot over to the ice cube. There was a crunch, and shards of ice flung in all directions. True to Roisin’s word, it had scraped the surface, but still left two deep grooves on the front of the block.

“OK, that hasn’t gone to plan,” said Roisin as she walked over to check the damage. The grooves were wide enough to fit two fingers in each. “Glalie, cover the surface with another Ice Beam.”

The move fixed the cube again, although the lighter colour of the new ice made it obvious that it had been a fixed job. Roisin just shrugged, and then pointed at the ground not too far away from her.

“Glalie, can you use Ice Beam and make a smaller cube?” she said. Once the cube was formed, she picked it up and stacked it on top of the larger base, and then stepped back to examine the results.

“It looks a bit like a snowman,” she said. “Glalie, use Ice Beam to make a sort of thin arm from the side of the large cube. Yeah, like that. Do the same on the other side.”

She picked up the chisel and hammer as Glalie formed the snowman’s nose. She walked back over to the cubes, and gently hammered two small, slightly deeper circles to make the eyes. For a moment, she was tempted to make a spiral on the nose, so that it actually looked more like a carrot; but then she looked down at the damaged surface, and instead dropped her arms by her side as she stepped away again.

“I think that looks alright,” she said as she walked round the sculpture. She chiselled the ends of the hands slightly, so it looked like the snowman had three webbed fingers.

Nodding, Roisin turned back to the table. She put down the tools, and returned Glalie to its Pokéball.

“Yeah, that’ll do,” she said to the camera. She glanced over her shoulder, and saw the iPad had stopped at 46:17. “It’s a sort of … like, ice cube snowman. Yeah, I think that looks alright.”

***

_The audience and contestants applauds. GREG has his head in his hands._ ROISIN: | Greg…  
---|---  
GREG: | How is that a snowman?  
ALEX: | If you take a look – _He gestures at the screen_ – you can definitely see its snowman features. It’s got a smaller head, tiny hands, and a very pointy nose, or beak as I like to think of it.  
ROISIN: | Yeah, exactly.  
GREG: | Also, let me get this straight. You’d never seen or heard of a Glalie before filming that task?  
ROISIN: | No, I hadn’t. I looked it up as well after I filmed it, and didn’t know what a Snorunt or Froslass was either.  
_Beat. GREG glares at ROISIN._  
|  Josh didn’t know what a Vanilluxe was, but you didn’t have a go at him earlier.  
GREG: | Yes, but I happen to know, Roisin, that your Pokémon knowledge is _appalling_. We were filming for something else two years ago, and, genuinely, we had a Pokémon for one scene, and Roisin looked at it, and said she had no idea what it was. It was a Chansey.  
ROISIN: | Yeah, but I don’t always go to Pokémon Centers.  
GREG: | Roisin, remind me where you’ve lived all your life in?  
ROISIN: |  _Beat._ London.  
FRANK: | To be fair, Glalies are rare in London.  
GREG: | So? Pikachus are rare in London as well, but every kid knows it because of that fucking cartoon.  
ROMESH: | Have you got a problem with Pikachu?  
ROISIN: | He thinks they’re overrated.  
GREG: | They are. Plusle and Minum are much better.  
ALEX: | I agree with you, Greg. I think they’re a bit like us, really, aren’t they?  
GREG: | How so, Alex?  
ALEX: | Well, you think of us as a pair, we’re adorable, we’re electrifying, and just before we start the show, we like to clap our hands and rub our cheeks together.  
JOSH: | That’s true. We’ve all seen them do it.  
GREG: | So, we’ve seen the four Pokémon Romesh _could_ have had. I think we should see what the others have left him.  
ALEX: | That sounds good. Here’s what Roisin, Frank, Tim, and Josh _didn’t_ choose.  
  
***

“So, I’ve got to work with whatever’s in that Pokéball?” said Romesh, as he glared at Alex.

“That’s right,” said Alex.

Romesh put the letter down, and picked up the Pokéball. He pressed the button, hoping that he was going to get something like a Beartic, or maybe a Lapras, even though the paddling pool hadn’t been set up. The moment he saw Cryogonal appear, however, he sighed and, in front of the camera, put his head in his hands.

“You have got to be kidding me,” he said, before looking up. “Are you telling me I have a fucking snowflake?”

“You can check its stats with the Pokédex,” said Alex.

“That’s not … oh, for…” Romesh picked up the device, and held it in front of Cryogonal. “This one’s got Freeze-Dry, Slash, Ice Beam, and Aurora Beam.” He sighed, and put the Pokédex down again. “That was fucking useful. There’s no ice, and I don’t … Cryogonal, use … I don’t know, Ice Beam?”

Romesh watched the beam hit the ground some distance away from them, and ice spread across the grass. At first, he thought that was all that was going to happen, and just as he began to think about how to use the moves to get the ice needed, he blinked in surprise when he spotted a cube forming from the Ice Beam.

“Is that it?” he said. “Is that how we make the ice? Cryogonal, keep using Ice Beam until the cube is _huge_.”

Romesh grabbed the chisel and hammer while watching Cryogonal; and when he shouted to stop, the cube was now waist high, and, by the looks of things, stuck to the ground. He ran over and circled the cube a few times, and then, deciding that he might as well make a dice, he kneeled down to chisel a single dot.

As it turned out, ice cracked rather easily. Romesh had only hammered his chisel about five or six times, and the cracks looked like a spider had made its web over the surface. He sighed, and decided to just go with whatever happened; so when his next strike pushed the chisel into the ice, he had to ask Alex to help him pull it back out.

“Cryogonal,” said Romesh, and he waved at the Pokémon. The latter flew over, and hovered by his head. He scooped the base of the cube, and managed to turn it over so that the cracked side was facing upwards. “Can you use Ice Beam to, like, repair the damage, and then expand it so it’s more of a circle?”

Romesh kept his eye on Cryogonal as it hovered and spiralled around the cube; and although it took ten minutes to form a circle, it was perfect enough for Romesh to figure out exactly what he had to do.

“Cryogonal, use Ice Beam and do what you just did, but make, like, a ball on top of the circle,” he said. He gestured with his hands. “Keep it hollow, yeah? Don’t close the top off either. I need you to leave a space so you can go inside it.”

Cryogonal did nothing for a few seconds; and then it formed another Ice Beam, and started to work on the ball. Romesh glanced at the iPad; he still had 90 minutes left on the task, but as long as he got the shape of his sculpture right, he was confident he could finish it within the time limit. He stood back to watch Cryogonal; but after it had formed half the ball, he frowned as he saw steam rising from the cracks in its body.

“Woah, woah, stop,” he said. “That’s not – Cryogonals aren’t supposed to steam up, are they?”

Alex shook his head. “I think it needs rest. There’s time, Romesh. You’ve used up 43 minutes of the task.”

Romesh turned back to Cryogonal, which was now floating by his head. Thinner wafts of steam were still escaping from its body.

“Croyogonal,” he said. “You alright?”

“Cry,” was all it said. By the time it was back to normal and had finished the rest of the ball, Romesh had 55 minutes left.

“Cryogonal, get inside,” Romesh said, and waited until the Pokémon had flown in before he continued. He jabbed the base of the ball, and through gestures, managed to get Cryogonal to use Ice Beam to form a T and an M attached to the base. “Now use Blizzard, and then fly out and seal off the top with Ice Beam.”

All Romesh had to do was stand back as he watched the interior of the ball vanish through the snowstorm that Cryogonal was blowing out of its mouth. It spiralled round several times, until even it got obscured through all the snow, and some of the storm was escaping through the gap. Then, after about four minutes, Romesh shielded his eyes, and could see its outline shoot through the top. Seconds later, a bright Ice Beam appeared, and sealed the top of the snow globe.

Aware that the Blizzard inside was going to die down soon, Romesh dashed over to retrieve the Pokéball, and returned Cryogonal to it. He grinned and leaned on the edge of the table as he saw Alex stop the clock at 1:38:05.

***

_The audience and contestants applauds. On the screen, a VT of ROMESH’s ice sculpture plays._ ROMESH: | Do you see what I mean?  
---|---  
JOSH: | Oh my word, I thought I’d had the worst one.  
ROMESH: | What was I meant to do with a fucking snowflake?  
GREG: | I don’t know why you’re so angry about it, Romesh. I thought you did rather well.  
ALEX: | Size wise, Romesh made the biggest structure. Josh had the second biggest, then Tim, then Frank, and Roisin’s snowman was the smallest.  
ROMESH: | Do you know how long the Blizzard kept blowing for?  
ALEX: | We reckon it was about two minutes. This is what it looked like when all the snow had settled.  
_The screen shows a picture of the sculpture, now with a thick layer of snow that hides half the T and M._  
JOSH: | How much snow did you put in it?  
ROMESH: | I’ll be honest with you, it didn’t look like loads.  
GREG: | It’s just a shame, really, that you can’t shake the snow globe to make the snow move again.  
ROMESH: | Alright, I can’t think of everything. I would have had to trap Cryogonal inside that globe to keep it up.  
FRANK: | That’s just unethical.  
TIM: | Yeah. I’d say it’s even worse than using rocks to make an ice sculpture.  
GREG: | Don’t push it, Key.  
ROMESH: |  _Looks at TIM._ Hold on, I didn’t actually trap Cryogonal inside the snow globe. Even with something that shit, at least I managed to make a proper ice sculpture.  
TIM: | So did I.  
GREG: | We’re not getting into this again. Tim Key clearly didn’t make an ice sculpture, and because nobody else cheated, he is definitely going into last place. In fourth is Roisin and her weird snowman. I’m giving third to Josh/  
JOSH: | What?  
GREG: | It was a lovely tree, but I still prefer Frank’s over yours. Having said that, anyone who manages to make a giant snow globe has to win the task, so first place goes to Mr Romesh Ranganathan.  
_Audience applauds._  
ROISIN: |  _To ROMESH._ Well done.  
GREG: | That wasn’t a bad result, was it Romesh?  
ROMESH: | I still don’t like Cryogonals.  
GREG: | Fair enough. _Looks at the camera._ After all that excitement, it’s time to go to an ad break. When you return, all five contestants will be doing one final task live on this very stage. We’ll see you soon.


End file.
